Why are they always forgetting?
Did you know your dyslexic or ADHD child forgetting things isn’t always their fault? If your child is like my kids, they are easily distracted and often forget what they are supposed to do. Things like your morning routine for school days can still a mystery to a child with working memory struggles. You have to remind them of each step to get out the door. And why can’t they remember to put on their shoes?!
Once they are at school, are they constantly leaving their homework? Do they have trouble planning out a reasonable timeline for large projects? These struggles are all stemming from poor working memory, sometimes called short term memory. People who have executive functioning disabilities, like dyslexia, ADHD, and autism, don’t use their working memory as a typical brain would.
I hate to tell you, but you are kind of an extension of your child’s working memory as they develop theirs. Use the tips below to help them work with their executive functioning skills. Setting up systems now will help them tremendously in the future.
What is Working Memory?
A typical brain will hold 4-7 pieces of information as a mental post-it note. You decide what to do with the post-it note by doing the task now or filing it for later. Another option is forgetting. Our working memory is used all day every day to perform typical tasks, like carrying on a conversation, remembering items you needed at the store, mental math, following directions, and knowing what items to bring home to complete an assignment. And on and on and on. It’s all the things we do in a day, that we don’t need to remember that we’ve done. For example, we forget the math equation once it’s been solved and move on to the next problem.
Those with working memory deficits, cannot hold as many pieces of information in their working memory, researchers saying only 1-2 items at a time. On top of the fewer pieces of information, it can also be filed into long term memory improperly, causing the person to forget altogether. This can turn into a real struggle if there are not systems in place to keep organized. Some say there are ways to improve working memory deficits. Others say the memory improvements don’t have a lasting effect. Either way, we need to teach our children to manage their working memory deficits. Hopefully, these suggestions will become engrained in their behavior and eventually become the way they operate.
Top 10 Memory Hacks
- Stick to a routine as often as possible. Putting a visual, step-by-step agenda can be very helpful.
- Have a place for everything. If everything has a place, there will be less time searching for lost items. Reinforce putting things where they belong until it becomes second nature.
- Teach them to create a movie in their mind of tasks that need to be performed, in what order. A visualization is a powerful tool and great for embedding information into the mind.
- Writing things down is a no brainer for keeping track of lists. If writing is difficult, have them record messages for themselves.
- Set alarms and timers for activities to help them be more aware of time.
- Color code school assignments and the required materials for the class. For example, everything in Math is red. This will help them stay more organized and less likely to forget the tools they need for an assignment.
- Do not encourage multi-tasking. Teach them to focus on one thing at a time.
- Break large pieces of information into smaller pieces. Focus on each smaller piece
- Teach them how to mind map. Mindmapping is a great way for visual people to keep track of information and categorize it.
- They may do well to have an accountability buddy, which let’s face it, is likely us while they are in school. Just try not to turn into the one who is always nagging them. Create a scheduled time where you review what is done and still needs to be done. This can help keep the nagging to a minimum.
As always, what works for one child, may not work for another. It’s always an experiment to find what works. For me, I think just being aware of the working memory struggles allows me to be more empathetic and less frustrated when I have to repeat myself multiple times. Knowing that they aren’t just ignoring me or doing it on purpose helps.
If you are curious about more on working memory, here’s a short TED Talk.
