Well, ladies and gents, it has been a minute since I wrote a blog post. It has been a very productive, intentional pause from writing though! Instead of writing blog posts, I actually wrote an ebook, Mastering Dyslexia: A Parent’s Guide. (Check out the shop.) I got very clear on the direction of my business and have renewed focus on the type of content and materials I will be creating for you all. I helped my dad convert part of our garage into an office space. We created a school space for the kiddos. And on top of all that, I’m almost in the third trimester with our fourth baby! I’m excited to be back to the blog, writing more consistently, and serving you all better.
The Power of An Intentional Pause
The intentional pause is where the magic is. It can feel counter-intuitive to our busy, keep moving lives. Sometimes the pause is forced on us, sometimes is gradual, and sometimes we need to be more intentional in choosing to pause.
Letting go of some of the things you “should” do, allows space for life to guide you. When things feel forced or stagnant, it may be time to take a break. Allow the pause to show you what direction you need to go, even if that feels like moving backward. Motion is motion, it’s only our minds that assign it a good or bad. The power of the stillness is something I mention a lot. Partly because it’s the lesson that keeps showing up in my life. Partly because it’s a key component in creating the life you want.
Clients of mine hear me say all the time, you have to know what you want in order to achieve it. I am a very practical, down to earth Taurus, knowing where I’m going comes easily for me. Looking at the bright side of what’s possible and dreaming big comes naturally. Knowing what I want is also a double edge sword, as many gifts can be. I dig in my heels and work and work and work to keep striving for that vision. The downside comes when that vision isn’t really where I’m supposed to be going and I’m trying to force something to happen.
Because of my natural inclination to just keep on pushing through, I’ve had to learn the power of the intentional pause throughout my life. If I hadn’t learned how to stop and reflect on what is actually happening right now, I would be one burnt out, frustrated lady. I have learned that while I can go, go, go if I don’t stop to reflect, I end up someplace I never wanted to be. And it sucks working so hard to get to a place you don’t want to be. If you are a go, go, goer too, read on for how to integrate pausing into your life.
How to Intentionally Pause
Step 1: What are you working towards? (Told you it always starts there. 😉)
If you don’t know where you are going, it’s really hard to reflect on whether what you are doing is getting you there. Having a vision, even if it’s foggy, in your mind sets a focus point. It could even be just a feeling of what life would be like. Feelings are powerful motivators and they are easy to gauge if we are on the right path. For example, you could be reaching for the feeling of contentment, pride, and connection. If those are the three main focus points of your life, you can decide if the actions you are currently taking are helping you to achieve those feelings.
Take some time over the next week and flush out what you are working towards. Create your top three focus points. Try to get as specific or as impactful as you can. These three focus points should light you up inside. If creating the feelings aren’t working for you, decide on specific areas of life you want to improve. I think most of us are always striving to be better parents with positive relationships with our kids, as an example.
Step 2: Set your check-in metrics.
You will have to decide what you are measuring to determine how it’s going. How often are you going to check-in? I recommend a 5-10 minute weekly check-in and then a 5-30 minute check in once a month. Do what works for you and be consistent with those appointments. I literally put it in my calendar on Sunday night.
If you are working towards the core feelings you want to create in your life, it’s pretty easy to figure out what the check-in metric is. Following the example from above, did you feel contentment, pride, and connection this week? If you did, you’d be on the right path. If you didn’t, examine why not. How could you create more of what’s missing in your life? I’ll bet you already have an inclination.
If you are working towards a specific outcome, like having a more positive relationship with your child, how will you define your success? Is it that you didn’t yell this week? Did you have meaningful conversations? Are you making sure you say I love you every day? Did you make sure to follow through with something you promised them? Etc. Whatever the goal was, decide how you will evaluate with measurable outcomes.
Step 3: What’s the point?
This is the step I’ve had to really learn how to integrate. As I said, I can create the goals and just keep checking in on whether I am on the right path. If I’m on the path to those goals, all good right? But what happens when what you are working towards isn’t what you want anymore? You can take the stubborn bull approach like I have many times in life and keep plodding along, or you can pivot. If nothing else, I think 2020 has taught us all how to pivot a little better in life. Am I right?
Ask yourself what the point of these goals is? If you don’t have an automatic, gut-level answer for that question you may be working towards something that isn’t actually important to you. This is where the power of the intentional pause comes in. What would happen if you just stopped working on that goal? If you allowed yourself space to see if letting go of it would make you feel better, neutral, or worse.
Give yourself the next week to not do anything towards achieving that goal. When you check-in the following week, what happened? Where you able to get any clarity from stepping back? Did you find you were more content not working towards the goal? Were you lost or missing that in your life? Did you replace the time you would have spent with something that worked better for you? Even if that time was just allowing free time to rest and do nothing. Pausing allows us to evaluate and move with intention.
There is no point in filling our days with activities that don’t move us forward or bring us joy. And even if they do move you forward, but they take so much energy from you to complete it, like me with blogging over the last few months, what is the point? Yes, I want a successful business that impacts others. And yes, I am a committed person. However, the reality of our lives being disrupted so completely and quickly meant I needed space to evaluate what was the point of trying to blog weekly. Throwing a difficult first 4 months of pregnancy on top of it just made it too much.
In reality, I certainly could have pushed myself to write, but there wasn’t enough of a why for me at the time. I know if I would have pushed myself to keep on as if nothing had changed, I would have become resentful. In my opinion, a few months of blogging, are not worth the energy of resentment. So I intentionally paused. And I’m grateful.
However, don’t confuse pausing something with allowing excuses to dictate your life. You have to be very careful of going down this slippery slope. Excuses are not your friend. They are the reasons that cause you to compromise your integrity with no real benefit. An excuse allows what you want in the moment to win over what you want long term. Don’t compromise what you want now for what you want most.
A true pause or pivot will benefit you in some way. It will create space for more to happen in your life. It opens up possibilities and refreshes you. There is a lightness in your being when you are honoring what you need and pausing. An easy way to know if it’s an excuse or an intentional pause is whether you feel guilt. Guilt is a sure sign that you are not living in integrity with what you truly want.
Step 4: Moving forward.
Once you’ve checked in on those three steps, determine if you are keeping the goals you’ve been working towards, or if a change is needed. Move forward accordingly. I typically don’t do the big evaluation until my monthly check-in. This gives me time to know that I’ve given some effort towards the goal and am not moving forward with too many changes at once. If you are changing your big focus goals every week, you are likely to feel lost and out of control. Allow yourself to get a sense of how that goal is impacting your life and energy. Use your realizations over the past week to help you determine if check-in metrics should change and what you might try differently in the coming week to achieve your goals.
Set your goals for the week to come and get to work!
