Successful people do the things unsuccessful people are not willing to do.
Jeff Olson
We all have more TO DO lists than we know what to do with. 😉 Have you ever heard of a NOT TO DO List? This type of list tracks the habits and behaviors we want to change or eliminate. More often then not, it’s the things we are doing daily that stand in our way of success or create the success we desire. Knowing what your habits are, and whether they are adding to or taking away, from your life can make all the difference. The first time I heard the quote above, I was 18 years old. I was about to start selling books door to door (yeah, I know it’s crazy). It was such a growing experience for me and I wanted to quit so many times. But each time I felt like I couldn’t move forward, I would hear this quote in my mind, “Successful people make the habit of doing the things unsuccessful people are not willing to do.” I desired to be successful and it reminded me I’d have to do more than average to get there. To this day, every time I feel like I don’t want to do something that I know I should, this quote comes to my mind. I nod my head and do the thing.
This is the concept of the Not To Do list. It’s letting go of the habits that are holding you back. Then creating the habits you know you should do. Clearly, no one is perfect and we are all going to carry around some bad habits. The point is to be working towards a place where we have more successful habits than not. However, letting go of our bad habits is incredibly emotional. Your emotional connection is the reason you intellectually know it’s a bad habit, but you continue doing it anyways. It can be really hard work to break a habit you’ve likely been doing for years or that you have strong emotions around. (These habits can be so difficult to let go of it could be worth seeking professional help.)
I wanted to walk you through the process of creating the Not To Do list for the habits that are getting in the way of your goals. Imagine you had a goal of losing 20 pounds but you ate ice cream before bed every night. Or you frequently stay up until 2 am and have no energy the next day. You sleep in your makeup every night but you want beautiful skin. They can be big habits too, like quitting alcohol, if it feels like something you can manage on your own. I’m not here to say what is a good or bad habit, but you know intuitively the things your body, mind, and soul are urging you to let go of. Those are the habits I want you to think about during this exercise.
Step 1
Most of us can think of 3-5 daily habits pretty quickly that we know aren’t in alignment with what our successful future looks like. Yet, we continue to do them, maybe even giving ourselves a guilt trip for afterward. Grab a piece of paper, or your notes app, and write them down. As you wrote them down, notice if any felt particularly heavy or difficult to really commit to paper. Meaning, now that you’ve written it down, it makes it true and you’ll have to do something about it. Identify that big one if there is one. Put it aside, for now, to give you room to imagine the possibilities for the other habits you’ve written down. Looking at the rest of them, decide which one would be the easiest to give up or reduce the frequency. (If you’ve been wrestling with the idea of letting that difficult habit go for a while, by all means, continue the exercise using that one.)
Step 2
Write down or think about why you enjoy this bad habit. What about it keeps you doing it even though you know it doesn’t serve you? What emotions does it provide you? Does it make you belong to a certain group? Does convenience play a factor? Do you feel it’s a status symbol? This can get interesting if you ask enough questions and are honest with yourself.
Step 3
Write down or think about the ways this habit negatively affects your life. No brainer here. These are the reasons you intellectually know you need to drop this habit. There is something, or a lot of things, that keep this habit from helping you reach your full potential. Be clear on how it is impacting your goals, relationships, career, health, etc.
Step 4
Imagine what your life would be like if this habit wasn’t in the way. What changes do you see? How do you feel? What are your relationships like? Your career? Are you in a different living situation? Do you have more money? Spend a few minutes living in that reality of possibilities. Then you have a decision to make. Does the enjoyment you get from keeping the habit outweigh the possible life without it? And it might!! If you decide to keep the habit, work through another one until you find one that makes sense to let go of now. There’s your Not To Do habit. You may decide to work on a few more but try to keep the number under three. Do even less if you know the habit you are letting go of is emotional or really ingrained in your life. You want to set yourself up for success!
Step 5
Keep a record of your progress. Every couple of days, do a brief check-in with yourself. Notice if you feel different physically. Emotionally? Any big feelings come up? Has it been easier or harder than you thought? What triggers make you want to slip back into it? Have you slipped up? Have you replaced the habit with something else?
Habits are tricky things. Some are so easy to let go of and some can take years of slow, progressional change. I’m sure you’ve heard it before but it takes 21-28 days to form a new habit. That’s how long it takes to create a strong neuro-network in the brain. After the first month of altering a habit, you’ll notice it requires less and less mental effort to avoid it. If you keep not doing the habit, you’ll eventually stop thinking about it altogether.
The Not To Do List can be the thing that helps catapult you forward. Our habits make us or break us. The things we are not doing can make all the difference in us achieving our goals.
