Today I signed up for Marie Forleo’s B School. It feels like its a moment in time that needs to be documented. I’m just following my intuition and allowing myself to go scared. I’ve been thinking about starting a blog and a business for so long (years), and have so many reasons (fears) why I shouldn’t. As time passes though, I just keep being led to this path and I guess I’m just tired of resisting and super curious what will happen. I know that I can flounder around on my own for another 3 years and not really make any progress. OR I can dive right in, scared as hell, and figure it out as I go.
Almost a year ago, I took this new moon Kundalini yoga class and my desire to write and finally stop playing small hit me like a lightning rod. It was like something broke open inside of me. The part of me that’s always wanted to play big found a way through the shell of playing it safe. I came home and journaled so intensely it’s barely legible. I was just on fire. (Super appropriate as the new moon was in Aries.) To paraphrase it basically went like this: “don’t wait until you’ve gathered all this profound knowledge before you share it. It doesn’t matter where you start, just start. Be the beginner and share yourself with the world. Your very existence is profound if that’s what you are needing to start. Start writing. You’ll figure it out.” So needless to say, I sat and thought about it for another few months. 🙄
Even now as I’m typing, I’m having all these critical conversations with myself about starting a business. And I’m ignoring them. It’s like when you start setting boundaries with someone you’ve previously had none with. The boundaryless person totally freaks out because they’ve had free access up until that moment. My playing safe and small self is totally freaking out because she’s been running the show up until now. She’s been very convincing, doing a great job, and she’s a little confused how we got to this place of putting myself out there.
I love open and honest conversations with people. It is amazing seeing how uniquely different and how uniquely perfect we all are. I have gone down so many rabbit holes of self-discovery because I am fascinated by how complex we all are. It’s actually one of the reasons I didn’t want to start a blog. It’s impossible to share the full extent of yourself. You’ll only ever be someone else’s version of who they think you are. Everyone reading already has some ideas of their own about who they think I am based on the fact I went to a new moon Kundalini yoga class. Or that I gave the playing small and safe part of me a personality. Or that I am starting a blog/business with no real direction. There’s an endless number of versions of yourself in the world. The power in that is, you can call the version you want to be into reality and be that. I’m calling in the Jen who is writing an intentional blog that inspires and uplifts people to be their highest selves, who is unafraid to share herself authentically, who seeks to live her soul’s desire AND who is a nurturing, loving mother and wife.
Which version of yourself are you today? Is there a different version you’d rather call in? Here are some action steps to take if you’re feeling like there is a different version you’d rather be.
1. Carve out time to spend time alone. Meditate, journal, do card readings, do yoga, pray, whatever helps you get in touch with the part of you that has the answers. We all have the answers inside of us. It takes quiet and stillness to seek them out.
2. Listen to what you are hearing, feeling, seeing, knowing from these experiences. Don’t question too much. Just listen and observe. Notice your reactions, but don’t hold on to them too tightly.
3. Start imagining and visualizing what it would be like to act in a way that’s in alignment with what you’ve discovered. If it’s something that feels big, or unlike how you are being in life currently, do research. Be curious and open to how you could bring that into your life. Look for examples of other people living life that way.
4. Treat your mind, body, and spirit with intention. Start acting as if you already have it or are already that person you are desiring to become. In the process of acting as if, you are drawing it toward you and saying “yes, this works for me. I am this.” All change has to happen from within us.
5. Start taking one action step daily toward that which you desire to be. Anything that moves you forward. Maybe it’s telling a friend, maybe it’s sending an email or message to someone who could help you, maybe it’s signing up for a training program, maybe it’s exercising, maybe it’s a gratitude journal, maybe it’s starting a website. Sometimes the small steps are the scary steps because they start the motion forward and they can feel so uncomfortable. However, without the tangible steps forward, you are spinning your wheels in wanting but not having.
Let’s start this journey of celebrating who we are, what we desire to do, and how we can live into the highest versions of ourselves. We all have to start somewhere; today is as good a day as any.
